.watch out.

Professors keep reminding us that nursing has come a long way. We should be grateful to be studying at the time we are! Then they counter that piece of information by telling us many of the procedures we're learning now will have changed or be obsolete in 5 years from now. I'm definitely in for the long-haul through the education department!
I don't mind...I love what I'm learning.

We started our clinicals at the Dixie Regional Hospital this week. It was totally different than I anticipated...in a good way. I really enjoyed it! Some nurses were incredible at their jobs--on top of it all, making their patients feel important, foreseeing some risky situations, etc. Other nurses....well, I'm sure you've had a not-so-good nurse at one point in your life, so I'll spare details. Let's just say those nurses made me feel worlds better about my decision to become a nurse, boosting my confidence in my abilities. I shouldn't be too quick to say this, maybe I'll be one of them! At least I know I'm doing everything I can now to prevent becoming one of them.
In other words, my studies are a prophylactic treatment of becoming a crappy nurse.
Ha. I'm eating, drinking, and sleeping nursing right now.
For a short time, I resented nursing because it was keeping me from "preparing" for a mission. I've found a way around that obstacle. Preparing for anything takes time! It isn't instantaneous, or an event. Preparation is what you're doing from day to day to enable yourself with information/skills/training/knowledge etc. to encounter a situation in the future! In other words, who cares how busy I am now? No matter how busy, I should always be preparing for the future. Otherwise, I'm too busy. I'm never going to have time to just prepare for a mission, or marriage, or children, or callings, or anything for that matter.
What's important in my life right now is balance.
Balance in school, gospel education, family, social life, etc.
School has never been as crazy in my entire life as it's been the past 2 weeks. The wonderful miracle of it all, is that I've done everything that's been required of me, and done it well. Along with school, I've made time for gospel preparation that I desperately need right now (study, prayer, institute), and have indefinitely reaped the rewards.
I feel empowered.
Right now, BALANCE=A VERY HAPPY LIFE FOR JESSICA.
A lesson well-learned now may save me some worry later.
Anyway, my point of telling you this is that I don't resent nursing at all! In fact, I've never been more sure of my decision to be a nurse than recently. I loved everything about being in the hospital, surrounded with real-life situations of everything we've been learning in school, being able to apply my knowledge and actually feel like I'm helping someone. Which, in some respects, has made it harder to think about leaving. It would be so easy to finish out next year and just be finished with my RN, rather than go through all the grief of trying to find a job/get re-accepted when I get home...but all I can tell myself in these moments of doubt is Heavenly Father will provide a way for that which He's asked me to do.
Incredibly simple, but entirely true.

Besides.
Compared to 18 months, I've got all the time in the world to figure out nursing. I'll count my lucky stars someday when I look in the mirror and see this face staring right back at me. I'll know at that moment that I've made at least 2 right decisions in my life:
serving a mission, and going to nursing school.

.skoo.

School seems like one of those necessary evils, lately. I just have to remind myself that I don't want to be completely ruined when I get home, so I better do ALL I CAN now. Many times, that's easier said than done.
I need to express my gratitude for inspired institute teachers! After being up since 5:30 am, spending the day at clinicals until 7:00 pm, I'll just say that institute was a breath of fresh air. He challenged our class to make our scripture study a continual prayer. In other words, begin your prayer before you start reading, asking Heavenly Father to show you something you need to learn during your study...but don't close your prayer! You stop "mid-prayer," and begin your scripture study. After you complete your study, kneel again in a prayer of gratitude for the things you learned and close your prayer. Done in this way, scripture study will become an attitude of prayer to Heavenly Father...making yourself more available to the spirit and what He needs to show you. I have tested the waters the past 3 days using this technique. Let me tell you, the miracles I've witnessed in my life are incredible! I have received answers to prayers before via scripture study, but never in such a powerful way. The presence of the spirit has been undeniable when I study the scriptures this way!
So (I'm sure you knew this was coming), I would invite you to try this method during your next scripture study session. I promise you will receive answers and new knowledge when you study this way! Only 3 days in, and I'm convinced.
As far as school is going...well, let's just say I've had a lot of catching up to do since I've gone home the last three weekends, and accomplished nothing on those weekends. This week clinicals started, plus the outside preparation for clinicals, I have 4 tests, a paper to write, plus trying to catch up. It hasn't been the best week of my life, let's just say that.
But I have done my very best to continually make time for scripture study. So while I haven't had the most relaxing week, at least I've been calm as I've tried to get all my work done. I know that I'm in the right place, doing the right thing, and if I do my best Heavenly Father will provide a way for me to accomplish what He's asked. I don't think going through the temple could have come at a better time of my life. I think He knew I needed that perspective change right about now! Ever since I walked out the temple doors last Saturday, I've been really trying to keep the spirit of the temple (aka, the Holy Ghost) with me at all times. ALL TIMES. I have been far from perfect, but never have I tried so hard.
The results amaze me.
One last thought before I hit the books again (some Friday night, eh?).
Alma 26 (my favorite chapter of the entire Book of Mormon) says a bit of what I'm feeling right about now. Vs. 11-12, 16, 36.
"I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God. Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things....Therefore, let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for our joy is full; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy, and of his long-suffering towards the children of men?
Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel.
Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation."
Rather long, yes. But I truly can't describe how I'm feeling, and Ammon helps put words to what I'm feeling. I know it won't be me helping the people of Thailand--I just need to remain close to the Spirit, so I can be an instrument in His hands! I've been doing my best at testing this concept here, before I'm in the mission. Bottom line? It works.
When you make yourself available, He will use you.

In case you didn't see my my initial reaction, here it is.

.thailand.

Yup. You guessed it.
I have been assigned to labor in the
BANGKOK, THAILAND MISSION!!!
I don't know if I'll be serving anyone like these fella's here...I guess it's possible. I can quite honestly tell you that Bangkok, Thailand was the last place on my mind when I opened my call. Many people shared experiences with me about their mission call experience. Most people said they felt an instant feeling that they were "going home."
I opened the envelope and my eyes went directly to the word, "Thailand."
HOLY SMOKE.
I don't know that I've ever been empty of words, but if there was ever a time in my life that it's happened, that was definitely it. I couldn't talk for a good 20 seconds!
The one question I had running through my mind was, "How will I ever learn the Thai language?"
The first day, needless to say, was rather overwhelming. I've never felt so many emotions rolled into one: I wanted to scream, cry, laugh, shriek in fear, and jump for joy all at the same time.

As I groggily came to on Saturday morning, I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling. "Was that a dream?" I thought. "Did I seriously get called to Bangkok, Thailand?" As I re-oriented myself to the reality of my situation, all I could was smile.

I quickly realized that the entire night before I had been too concerned with my capabilities. Of course I can't learn Thai in such a short amount of time.
I'm human! I'm imperfect in every way.
However, a perfect God believes that I can do it.
I know He will never, ever, ever ask me to do something I can't handle.
Just as Nephi once said..."Wherefore, the Lord hath commanded me to make these plates for a wise purpose in him, which purpose I know not. But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words. And thus it is. Amen."
Even if I'm not sure quite yet why I'm supposed to go to Thailand, I do know that Heavenly Father has asked me to go.
That's enough.

Besides, maybe I'll get to ride an elephant while I'm there!

It's pretty incredible that I feel such a strong connection to this place without ever having been there. Yes, it took some time. But with each day that passes, I feel a more intense draw towards Thailand. Like you said, Emmer. This feels like my second home.

Plus, how could you NOT want to pick up these kids and love the living daylights out of them? Besides my nieces/nephews, there have NEVER been more adorable children on the entire planet.
I wonder who the Lord has prepared to hear His message from little ol' me?
I supposed we'll find out soon enough.
Thailand, here I come.